The Intimacy Spectrum | Intimacy Coaching in Canada

Sexless Marriage or Celibate Marriage: What It Really Means for Intimacy

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What Is a Sexless or Celibate Marriage and What Can You Do About It

So, which one of you is waiting for the other to fall asleep first? That quiet shuffle to avoid intimacy is a move many couples are familiar with. Some people call it a sexless marriage. Others call it a celibate marriage. The gist is you’re in a marriage without intimacy. Whatever word lands for you, if you’re here, you’re probably already wondering: is this what we’ve become?

Researchers say a sexless marriage means fewer than ten sexual encounters in a year. Ten. That’s the number that gets tossed around. But here’s the part the research won’t tell you: a number doesn’t define your marriage. The real question is, does the lack of intimacy bother you? Because if you’re fine, you’re fine. But if you’re lying awake at night wondering if this distance means something bigger, then it’s time to pay attention.

You might be asking yourself questions that sting.

“Does this mean they don’t want me anymore?”
“Are we just roommates now?”
“Is this the beginning of the end?”

These are heavy questions, and they deserve honest answers. The truth is that sexless marriages happen for a thousand reasons. Stress. Kids. Exhaustion. Hormones. Mismatched libidos. Neurodivergence. Aging. Bodies that don’t always cooperate the way we think they should. None of that means you’ve failed. None of it means you’ve stopped loving each other. It means intimacy is more complicated than you were told.

👉 This is where Couples Intimacy Coaching can help — creating space for both partners to talk about what they need without shame, blame, or pressure.

And here’s something else: intimacy isn’t just sex. You already know that if you stop and look. Maybe you share a laugh no one else would get. Maybe your partner still makes you coffee every morning. Maybe you can sit together in silence and feel safe. Those are not small things. They are intimacy too.

But I hear you. You don’t want to just cuddle. You want sex. You want to feel desired. Of course you do. That longing is real. So the question becomes: what conditions would help desire grow again?

For some, it starts with comfort. Lowering the lights. Taking the pressure off. Holding each other with no agenda. For others, it’s emotional safety, the knowing you can talk about what you want without it turning into a fight. If you are neurodivergent or queer, it may mean creating intimacy that actually fits your wiring instead of the script you were handed.

👉 For those exploring this individually, Individual Intimacy Coaching offers a confidential, one-on-one space to reflect on your needs and build confidence in asking for them.

If you are in a platonic marriage and you’re distressed about it, you are not broken. You are human. And you don’t have to figure it out alone. Coaching is not therapy. It’s not a lecture. It’s a space where you can bring your real questions and get practical tools:

  • Tools for talking about intimacy without shame or explosion
  • Tools for finding closeness outside of sex, so the pressure lowers and desire has room to breathe
  • Tools for setting realistic goals that fit your actual life, not some magazine checklist

So here’s the question to leave with: if intimacy is a spectrum, and sex is only one part of it, what would open up if you let yourself notice the rest?

A sexless or celibate marriage does not have to be the end. It can be the beginning of redefining what closeness means for you.

If you’re curious but not sure where to begin, you can start with a short Meet & Greet or an Intake Session to see if coaching feels like a good fit. Still have questions? Visit the FAQ page to learn more about what intimacy coaching looks like.

Thank you for the trust,
Heather

References

Prevalence of sexless or celibate marriage

Neurodivergent intimacy dynamics